Mommy PhD: The last steps

Lisa Kane_Mommy PhD_Last Steps

At last – the publisher! I handed over the PhD in PDF. Got the quote; approved the quote. Cleared up a niggle regarding the university regulations about hard/soft binding via and confirmed numbers of copies required. Got the invoice; paid the invoice. Then waited… remembered that I didn’t have a cover! But the kind man at the print shop made up a cover for me — very plain but suitable. An hour later. Hurrah!! A real, live, proof! I was so excited that I took a photo of Crystal behind the desk at the print shop. I hope she has forgiven me for posting her picture on Facebook – she wasn’t very happy with the pic – but I thought she was such a warm, efficient and special lady that she deserved a photo credit. And anyway I was delirious with relief.

So surely, now, time to post it off. Alas, no. Lots of niggles that I just couldn’t leave be: pages not lining up side by side; graphics, which looked lovely on the screen, suddenly seemed weird printed. I mean really, REALLY weird. Too weird to leave. And then the Figure  I had annotated with a blue dotted blob. More weird. And finally, a speed wobble in the glue. Deep, deep, DEEP breath.

Friday was not to be the day I sent off my thesis. Monday wasn’t the day either. Not even Tuesday would not be the day I’d finally send this thing off. Deep breath (again). I dig deep into my reserves of bloody-mindedness and then realise that I simply don’t have any reserves left, so I dig deep into my bank balance. At this stage, I choose to pay someone who knows how to do this kind of print-checking stuff and who has the patience I no longer have. Enough already!

TIP: Budget time and money for help at the very, very end.

Mommy PhD: Biting tails

Lisa Kane_Mommy PhD_Biting bullets

Over the last few weeks of my PhD my Facebook posts grew in number and prophetic statements: “Nearly there!!” I wrote. “So close I can almost smell the printer!!” “Days to go!!” “Hours to go!!”

Well, how naive was I. Those last few jobs stretched on endlessly and took about four times longer than expected. “The tail of the lizard,” my Zimbabwean husband chimed in, “is always the hardest to eat.”

Knowing this, don’t be a fool like me, and think that those final jobs will be done in a flash. One of the big reasons for my delays were leaving those tricky-to-find page numbers of quotes till last. I realised too late that the page numbers for those classic quotes don’t get any easier to find just because you have procrastinated about them for a few years.

Sure, Google did a great job finding some of the sources, but those classic quotes I had from material dating back to 1937 ended up staying in the drafts folder. By that stage of the process my tired eyes simply couldn’t scan the page for quotes anymore.

TIP: Bite this bullet early on and find the quote page number, or ditch the quote.

Mommy PhD: The last 500m

Mommy PhD: The last 500m

Lisa Kane_Mommy PhD_Last 500mSurely, I thought, I will get to the printer today?! All I need to do is to convert my Word file to PDF and then we are done?! Well, it seems that every step of the PhD process is designed to test your fortitude and iron will.

There must be a special place in hell reserved for the programmers who put together the software for converting Word to PDF documents. Maybe they had some real belly laughs around the water cooler about those random errors generated by the Word to PDF conversion of long documents. Haha!

When you finally, finally decide that the thesis is finished and that you are ready to take the next step and that the next step is a mountain called Adobe is sore indeed. I probably should have smelt a rat when the publisher laughed when asked him if he did the Word to PDF conversion in-house. Hahaha.

I had already read the horror stories online and had decided to enroll help to do this. But what should surely have taken two minutes ended up taking nearly six hours. You would think converting Word to PDF simply means the output PDF pages would look exactly like the output Word pages, right? But no!!

Figure captions, which were perfectly placed in Word suddenly unmoored themselves and floated around the page in the PDF; labels on figures would similarly go walkabout; page numbers would fail to correlate and most mysteriously the notes formatting simply failed.

In the end I checked it again, sent a little prayer and whisked it off to the printer, reassuring myself that the reader wouldn’t be familiar with the Word version and so wouldn’t know what they were missing out on.

TIP: Leave yourself wide margins of time at the end. Find a friend, or pay someone to help you with desktop publishing. By then you really won’t give a damn about line spacing, but first impressions and the finishing touch really do count.

Mommy PhD: Practical tips to overcome a crises of writing confidence

Lisa Kane_Mommy PhD_Just write

Write for an audience: Print off a list of all the people who want to read what you are writing and write for them

Revisit inspired times: Flip through your notebooks to reconnect with energy and enthusiasm from earlier in the process

Intellectual nourishment: Reread an inspiring paper

Seek out the muse: Check out the latest writing of someone I admire

External affirmation: Print off the nice things people have said about me and my writing and put them on a board

The right context: Create a more beautiful physical space for my writing

Work to schedule: Make time in my diary for my writing

Play to a schedule: Make time in my diary to do fun, happy things

Just write.

Anything.

Now.

Mommy PhD: Writing on Mars

 

Let's Pretend_a Bonnie Book_Lisa Kane_Mommy PhD_Writing on Mars

Cover of children’s book “Let’s Pretend” via Pinterest

 

It’s so important to have separation while studying, but how do you make sure that the necessary separation doesn’t become hurtful? How do you avoid resentful children en route to a lifetime of therapy? This was a tough one for me. I didn’t want Brett and Hannah to feel that they couldn’t have access to me but I also needed them to know that my PhD room was a different room from the others in the house.

When they were very little I would leave them with care-givers and tell them that I was “going to Mars”. “Going to Mars” they understood, really meant going down to the shed-study at the bottom of the garden, but in their vivid imaginations I was on Mars. If they wanted to contact me they would use the “inter-planetary” phone. And of course there were exceptions to the galactic separation. Needing a cuddle with mama was reason enough for warp-speed space travel, with me happily beaming back down to earth, because cuddles are available at any time – no questions asked.

Mommy PhD: The unresolved childhood theory (2)

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Image of the Walking to School Campaign, Victoria, Australia

 

Dark anger about injustice regarding freedom of movement, especially for children, definitely motivated my PhD and its focus. On the flip side, so did joy. Some of my own happiest childhood memories were made on streets. One of my earliest memories is of simply walking along a suburban street. The light is that impossible fresh green which glows through leaves during the first days of a warm English spring. I remember it as one of the happiest, most peaceful experiences of my life. These memories provided a deeper, almost spiritual motivation for my thesis. The substance of the thesis actually found its roots in these early childhood experiences. Understanding these memories as not only key motivators, but also as the essence of my real fascination helped tremendously in defining my work and writing my introduction.

Is it necessary to dig this deep into motivation? If, as a mother, your Masters or PhD process is going to stretch over several years then I think it’s crucial you get to the bottom of what angers, frustrates and really moves you. Without a real, authentic motivation the inevitable question of why you are doing this simply won’t have a good enough answer.

In my experience finding your purpose, is quite difficult to do on your own. Exercises in the book “What Color is your Parachute?” helped me. So did various More To Life courses, especially the Power of Purpose. Talking to friends and family helped.

But once found this motivation is like a mythical potion. When you feel like you’re failing, or question what you are doing, you can revisit this purpose and it will reinvigorate you when nothing else seems to work. Find it, cherish it, and keep it close.

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